Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Face that Gets Me Through

I have had a difficult couple of weeks, but waking up each morning next to my husband and the sweet face of this baby boy are what get me out of bed on the hard days. I don't know what in the world I did to deserve to be a mommy and a wife, but I thank God every single day for what I have. A third sweet baby of ours went straight to the arms of Jesus last Thursday. Even though that precious soul is in those wonderful arms, the physical reminder is still here. Why does there never seem to be any rush for it to go away? I pray that it ends soon because I don't know how much longer I can bear this. I pray that I wake up tomorrow and my body feels whole again. We all have struggles we deal with in life. As I have explained before, miscarriage is "that" trial that has been presented to Marc and me and we are trying our best to figure out what God wants us to do with it. We thought it was over two years ago, but nope, that wasn't in the plan. Yes, it is different and easier this time, but that doesn't take away the fact that Marc and I have lost another piece of us. All of these pieces will fit together perfectly someday when we are all reunited in Heaven. Oh my, what a large, perfect family we will have!

One of my dearest & closest friends is also suffering the loss of a child this week, but in a much more difficult way than I could ever imagine. My heart is breaking. Another friend saw her precious baby on the ultrasound screen today with an irregular heartbeat after already experiencing a trip to the emergency room and bedrest. Why is it SO hard? Why do we have to hurt when we just want nothing more in this world than to be mommies? Why, why, why? Someday we will know. But that's the hard part.... waiting for someday.


andreabrosto said...

I'm really struggling this week with all of this heartache too. It makes me look at Luke and thank God for every moment.
Still praying for you!

Blessed said...

It does make you look at the blessings in your life! It seems that so many are suffering all the time to bring children into the world. It's a TRUE miracle that we have healthy children. I do not take that for granted.

Praying for you right now! Love ya!

The Kinards said...

Still praying for you April. God will see you through. May you get lots of rest and feel better real soon. So sorry for your loss.
Here's a poem on a bookmark that I keep in my Bible:

"My Angel Baby"
by Lori Jager
To the baby that I carried
But never saw your eyes
Or told you how much I loved you
Or ever heard your cries.

You will never be forgotten
The excitement we had for you coming.
When I realized I'd never hold you,
The feeling I had was nubing.
My angel baby is who you are
My angel baby you'll always be.
Your loving memory will live in my heart
So you will always be right here with me.

April Kay said...

Amy, thank you so much for sharing that with me! I know others reading will love it, too. Those words are EXACTLY how I feel, but sooo many people just don't understand that. People just compare your stories to other stories and think, "oh, she wasn't pregnant that long, it'll be okay", or "well, she already has one child so she needs to just be thankful for that" and all these other comments I've heard. So it's so refreshing to hear that someone has been through it and completely understands my pain. It just takes one day to know that a child is growing inside you to develop a bond with that child that can never be broken. I truly feel that I have 3 children in heaven.

Meghan said...

April, so sorry to hear about all these struggles and the loss of another baby. Michael and I will be praying for you guys.

Valerie said...

Praying that each day will see a little more of God's plan for you. He is already using you through your grief to reach out to other people with this blog post. April, I just can't imagine the pain you are feeling and I pray that you find rest and peace during your time of sorrow. Praying for you.

Leigh Anne said...

I am so sorry to heat this. When I am faced with hard things, I always refer to these two verses,

"Wait and hope for the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring."
Psalm 27:14

"The Lord will give strength to his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace."
Psalm 29:11

I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Leigh Anne (Andrea's blog friend)

Kristin said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers!

Tamara said...

I will never matter how long a pregnancy lasts! Once the child is there it's YOURS for always!! I'm so sorry you have to wait to meet another one of your precious children!

Jenny Beth said...

April, I am so sorry about your news and had no idea all this had been happening. If there is anything we can do please let me know but we have you all in our prayers for healing and peace through this difficult time. Children truly are a gift and miracle!

Petty Family said...

I too am struggling with all the sadness. It just doesn't make sense, but this world is only temporary. You are a wonderful mommy, and Mason is so blessed to have you!

Melissa said...

Praying for God to ease your pain and heartache. I can't imagine what you are going through and I know God will bless you through all of this. Hope to see you and Mason in BG soon.

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